Sometimes Catazon Pretends She's a Cougar

This year's birthday wasn't as exciting as last year's, but I'm not complaining. I still got a bunch of good stuff...my family pretty much cleared out my wish list; I'll have to replenish it before Christmas, or I'll get the usual gift certificates for Victoria's Secret and black raspberry vanilla toiletries from Bath & Body Works and nothing else...and I still got my favorite home-cooked meal and strawberry cake. Nope, I wouldn't call that exciting.

What was fun was I got to go out and act like a woman of my advanced age does. I even brought my husband along. One of my favorite country & western singers who I have seen a couple times at small venues when I was living in Austin was playing at the Firehouse Saloon on Friday night. So I got gussied up in my tightest jeans, halter top, and bling-bling belt and mosied on down early to get a front row seat for Ty Herndon. Didn't really need to do that since there were only about 50 people at the show, but what the hey, the vodka sodas went down easy. Ty forgot to sing his world famous rendition of You Can Leave Your Hat On, and I went over after the show to tell him how disappointed I was.

Ty: Get over here, you big sexy girl!
Me: Ooooh ok, I just wanted to tell you how disappointed I was that you didn't do You Can Leave Your Hat On.
Ty: YOU CAN LEEEAAAVVVE YOUR HAT ON!
Me: Meoooowwww.

But really, I always look like I'm ready to pounce when I take pictures with hot celebrities. Remember, my husband was watching the whole thing. Escandalo!

I didn't even notice until yesterday I paid for the whole night...tickets, drinks, everything!  Happy birthday to me!

Who Needs Christmas?

Big things are already happening in December with Christmas still a week away.

First, the Wii that I was excited to get online on Black Thanksgiving Night was stolen off our front porch as soon as UPS delivered. I know this because my husband heard the doorbell ring, ignored it, and then got mad at me when I got mad at him as he explained this to me. He immediately went and bought one full price. Sucks to be him. Sucks to be me, too, but relatively speaking, sucks more to be him.

Second, my husband somewhat redeemed himself by doing something fun with his wife on a school night. Here we are tailgating at our first ever Monday Night Football game!

We really didn't drink enough to be leaning like that...he just tries to distance himself from the crazy in public. I know he's very proud of me, inside.

Lastly, I was officially named Knowledge Manager of my company this week while my supervisor works on a six-month strategic project. Not as important as it sounds and I was actually already doing most of the work anyway, so I'm way more stressed about everyone's eyes on me as I am about doing the job. I'm not going to let in ruin my holidays, even though I'll be working through my two weeks of vacation.

So really, who does need Christmas when life can be a curse or a treasure every single day?

UPDATE: My summation of this post might be construed as my ignorance of the true meaning of Christmas. As a Christian, I do know the true meaning of Christmas. I was commenting on the secular view of the season and how we, as a society, put so much energy into what Christmas now represents, when we should be living our whole lives with a reverence for the balance of give and take. Thanks for understanding.

More Dead Pets

Quite a while ago, I wrote about how good my family was at killing off pets. What I've neglected to tell you is that hasn't deterred us from buying more. This summer, we brought home a Betta for The Kitten's birthday.

Poor little thing died within two months. Being a bit older, The Kitten understood this a lot better than she did with the turtle or the hamsters. There's a memorial in the backyard. So did we stop there?

Of course not. I came home from my wonderful weekend of wine and music to find two guppies and a frog in the tiny Betta bowl. The frog jumped ship within a few days, but the guppies, they held on until the brilliant man I married put them in untreated tap water for too long last night. I hope The Kitten meant it when she was wailing about "No more pets!" She seemed genuinely happy when I told her Santa would bring her a Fin Fin Friend instead.

We are now accepting contracts on any pets you might want to meet an untimely death. Satisfaction guaranteed.

April Fool's Lasts All Month Around Here

Here's a preview of the Catazon's April 2010:

• Good Friday - My 9/80 and The Kitten is looking forward to Iowa Tests being over...girls' day of fun!


• Easter - My 12th wedding anniversary...good way to get out of celebrating it.


• April 5th - A short trip to California...Trader Joe's is calling my name; that and a presentation on Lessons Learned (ick!)


• April 10th - My first bout this season with Crude City Roller Derby...yes, I'm on the roster of a league that is four hours away; come be a fool and watch me!


• April 16th - The day I should be going to the Tiki Bar opening in Maryland again but am instead being a good wife and mother for a change...boo sauce!


• April 21st - The day I was born, 40 years ago...and no, there will not be a party because somebody expects me to send the invitations, clean the house, buy the food and drinks, act as a hostess, etc. (Bite me!)

Now remind me why I'm not going to the Tiki Bar again. Happy April anyway! Usually the best month of the year, but this one has only a couple of bright spots.

BTW...I will be skating in Houston (against Houston Roller Derby) in May. This is not a joke...more info to come. This Cat just won't die, and maybe there's still breath in Catazonia yet.

Oh, and I'm doing NaPoWriMo again!

No, that's the real April Fool's joke.

Catazon's Law of Parties

Stress will be a fact of life the week before the party, until you can drink it away the night of the party.

On Monday, the guest of honor will still be hemming and hawing over the menu. That's ok, because you're still not sure if you have to feed forty or fifty or even more.

On Tuesday, you will start the day by throwing out your neck...the same neck problem you have had since a crazy night in New Orleans in 2005. You still don't know what it is, and at the moment, you definitely don't have time to find out, although it would be nice to refresh your stash of painkillers.

On Wednesday, you will discover a water leak in your dining room ceiling. Thank God the pipe was right next to a light fixture, so the water dripped immediately instead of pooling for days. Later that day, you will have your annual performance review. Good luck!

On Thursday, you will have to go to dinner with your boss. Actually not a stressful situation, but you should be home doing a test run on the last minute request for butterscotch cake. Even though it might look like a pile of poo on Saturday, you're still pretty sure it will taste totally awesome (it's an 80's party).

You're not going to think about Friday yet. Keep your eyes on the prize.

I'm Not Complaining...

So I'm over halfway through with this cardiovascular health kick, except the thing is I'll never be through with it. Yesterday, the food served at the family birthday gathering was fried fish, fried chicken, and tater tots. Blegh. Even before the health kick, I would not let any of these things near my mouth, so lucky for me, there was also a green salad. And get this...the salad bowl was the only thing even close to being empty...and no, it wasn't only me eating it. I was also able to bypass the German chocolate cake...a true feat, because I do love coconut but most likely will never knowingly let that artery-clogging mess into my stomach again. Too sad, but totally worth it...

Meanwhile, my marriage grows slightly weirder with my husband doing the complaining about being fat. He still refuses to listen to me about anything, so he finally outweighs me for realz!!! Woohoo! Ladies, if you get the chance to experience how annoying your significant other can be saying how they need to lose weight but doing nothing about it, you would never complain about how fat you are again.

Catazon's Week 7 of the Cardiovascular Health Program:
Weight = 187.2
Anxiety Level = 5 (I've got no motivation, and I stress about no motivation.)

And So It Begins...

I guess it is official. My fellow skaters on the travel team have voted me in as 2008 captain.

I've seen several relationships end during the two years I have been involved in roller derby. Let's pray that my husband has just a glimmer of understanding left within him so that my marriage is not the next in line.

Central Texas - Heaven or Hell?

Five reasons why Central Texas is heaven on earth:

1. my favorite barbecue establishment
2. my favorite place for queso and CHEAP margaritas
3. my favorite place for a nice view and EXPENSIVE margaritas
4. the birthplace of modern-day roller derby
5. my favorite place to just BE in the whole wide world

None of these places will be visited on my trip to Central Texas this weekend; therefore, I might as well be in hell! I will be staying in a farmhouse built in the 1930's or 40's (I can't remember, but I know it was a long, stinky-ass time ago). I will have to share a bathroom with my in-laws. I will be surrounded by country folk that didn't understand why I kept playing tackle football after I broke myself, so they most certainly can't understand why I keep "rollerblading" after breaking myself again. I will be forced to eat vegetables with the yummy bonus flavor of bacon, if there is any room for vegetables at all. I will miss two derby practices. I can't wait to get back home to start on all the things I should have been doing this weekend to prepare for The Kitten's 4th birthday next week.

The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. ~ John Milton

2007 Rodeo Lineup

was released this morning. I'm working George Strait, Natalie Cole & KEM, Josh Turner, Alan Jackson, Pesado & Emilio, Rascal Flatts, Brooks & Dunn, and ZZ Top. Just for the hell of it, I'll probably stop by a couple more performances, such as Dierks Bentley or Sheryl Crow. If you see my husband, just laugh...because he has to work Beyonce.

Dangerous Hobbies

One of my husband's favorite arguments for continuing his most time-consuming hobby is the slim chance that he will be injured (as opposed to the high probability that I will be injured if I continue mine). Friday evening, I was sending him off on another hunting weekend when his hunting buddies asked me if I was going to continue playing roller derby. I replied that I had every intention of doing so if at all possible, and my husband made the usual unsupportive quip. Of course, I told him he was more than welcome to get back in the car and never go hunting again, and he played his favorite argument card. My husband tells me he never gets hurt at the deer lease while I'm staring at his friend that dragged him down the road dangling by his ankle from the back of a jeep. Oh, really?

Well, that conversation must have jinxed him, because this Sunday, he came home with a gash on his wrist that really needs stitches. While I'm truly concerned about his injury, I can't help but gloat a little inside.

I love my daughter...

and she loves me! Last night, she says, "I wanna look at Catazon." Is that not the cutest thing ever? I'm thinking she really does know that Mommy has an alter ego, and she's ok with that even if her father is most definitely not.

Then I figured out that she actually meant catalog, not Catazon. The toy catalog that came in the mail on Wednesday. Still cute, but not so much now that I know for sure toys are more important than Mommy.

This is fair warning...

The Yankee just bought her plane ticket to come party with me once I can walk again. Those of you that can keep up (which shouldn't be that hard to do with someone who just got out of a cast), you're welcome to come, too! The itinerary is on my calendar for the weekend of October 20th. Oh, and when I say party, I mean there are no significant others involved in this whatsoever. Honkytonk!

I thought it would be fun...

to post while in pain that cannot be reduced by Darvocet.

Yesterday, the compound fracture in my left ankle was repaired using four pins and a plate. They must have been on fire when my ankle was sewn up because I can feel all of them burning away in there now. I should be used to it by Sunday, so I can make it to Austin to watch the Stars Across Texas tournament.

I can't take Vicodin. I did after my knee surgery, and I saw wild dogs run into my bedroom and attack my knee. When I told my husband to get them off me, he said I was crazy. He says that alot, though.

MySpace post on the same topic:
Update
The surgery is done. I'm recuperating at home with my mother-in-law cleaning every inch of my house. Isn't that cool? Glad I'm not as anal as I used to be.

Anyway, I'm starting to feel the pain, but I should get used to it in time to head up to Austin around noon on Sunday. We'll stop by the farm to turn on the window units (good news for those of you that need a place to crash), then I'll put in an appearance at Stars Across Texas. :) Meaning, the team I was supposed to captain will just have to do with my loud mouth on the bench. Aw man, I think my soul is hurting more than my ankle. :(

What a Wonderful Weekend!

The Brawlers kicked off the holiday weekend with a pool party at Tawdry's house.  The Kitten (Catazon's spawn) enjoyed it for the first few hours, then I dropped her off with daddy for some bonding with my team.  That move ended up spoiling the rest of the weekend for bonding with my husband (same song, 1 millionth verse), but I didn't let it affect the rest of my extracurricular activities.

It looked like Sunday was going to be tough with the hangover and the nagging, but I was able to put that noise behind me once we got to the farm and Jule B. Sorry and her crew showed up.  Remember...I mentioned earlier that I would be attending my first roller derby bout over the Fourth of July weekend.  I think I enjoyed the halftime band more than the bout (I added a song to my myspace page).  I don't even want to talk about the afterparty, because that kind of fun is indescribable.  Jule and I (along with a few more HRD representers) shut the place down.

The rest of the holiday was pretty much uneventful but most definitely relaxing and a welcome change from the hellhole (a.k.a. library) in which I slave away the days.  I highly recommend a Central Texas getaway every now and then, even if I couldn't stand to live there again.

Dream Interpretation

If you dream that your husband is dead and then, later in the night, dream that you killed someone, does that mean that you REALLY ARE going to kill your husband?

MySpace post on the same topic:
Dreams & Things
Posted on my other blog...
"If you dream that your husband is dead and then, later in the night, dream that you killed someone, does that mean that you REALLY ARE going to kill your husband?"

I skated on Sunday and felt like I did back in November. I can't bend over very long yet without getting stuck there, which wasn't very helpful doing a 20-minute endurance drill. And I can't do high impact, which means no toe-stop starts or jumping. Good news is I'm not wincing when I sneeze as of this morning, so I should be back to my old ass-kicking self shortly.

Then all I'll have to worry about is whether or not Disney was right.

My TV Cost More Than My Computer!

My husband and I broke down and bought a fancy new tv last night.

Don't get me wrong! I'm very manly in my love of new toys, probably even more so than my husband, and I most likely pressured the tightwad to go this route because he knows how much I love new toys, but I'm just in shock that we spent more on this tv than we did when we bought a new computer two years ago. I'll keep telling myself that this thing is beautiful and well worth it. Even my daughter, who wanted the old tv to come home from the doctor, got excited when we took it out of the box. Of course, the excitement was spurred by the opportunity to play in an empty box, but wait till she sees how good The Wiggles look now!